Sense of Moral
by Jasmine of the Forest
Summary: Susie made a mistake. She knows it. But when her dream comes true, will it be possible for her to tell the man she loves what she did?


**Disclaimer: Blue Heelers is the property of channel 7 and Southern Star, or whoever it is.**

**Hi everybody, this is my first Blue Heelers fanfic, and it just about killed me, lol. I apologise if it's not very good, or well written. It was the best I could do.**

**This fic is dedicated to kylieanne, who suggested I use this idea for a fic in the first place, lol. (a few weeks ago)**

_**QUOTE** (silverpen2003 Apr 16 2005, 03:05 PM)_

_This could be there only set back so we will have to wait and see. Knowing Jonesy he will blame Alex not Susie. I think he will be more forgiving towards Susie than he will Alex or the is a possibilty that he could do nothing at all. Nah its Jonesy we are talking about._

_Kym_

_I gotta admit - and you're all gonna hate me for this - but I'm kinda hoping Jonesy will punch Alex. But hear me out, this is what I've got planned going for them. Clears throat Alex will break it off with Susie, and he probs slept with her and will tell her it meant nothing. Jonesy over-hears, Susie just walks away, silently crying, and Jonesy will go up to Alex and say, "You btard". Then he punches Alex in the nose. The Alex goes, "Mate, I did it for you!" Then Jonesy will be like, "You hurt Suse and now you're trying to say it was for my benefit?"..._

_(A bit of a falling out between the two, but Alex will explain it eventually, and Jonesy will forgive him)_

_Back to where I left off...then Jonesy goes to comfort Susie, and she spills her guts to him, and her comforts her - so sweet - and then she realises that she loves him again. A few days later Jonesy asks her out. Aaww, how sweet._

_But would that work with the 'she says she has to work something out' scenario? Dunno._

_But I love Susie, she's my favourite, and not just because we have the same name, lol. She is just astounding and bursting with energy, and she's been my fav since pretty much the first day she arrived there._

_Ciao!_

_Susie_

**SENSE OF MORAL**

Susie left there quite quickly. She could not believe she had actually said that to him, "There's something else I need to sort out first." She had seen the terrible, agonising pain that swept into his eyes, saw him deflate after being so incredibly happy. She did not like to think she could do that to him, cause such pain and disappointment. She had accused him of missing his chance, but she had done something far worse. She had missed her chance to tell him she loved him.

Poor Jonesy, he had tried so hard to sum up the courage to tell her how he felt, how serious he was about her. He wanted to commit to her, and no other man had ever wanted that except Brad.

The thought of Brad came rushing back with all the pain it had brought her on the day he had died. But she had not felt anywhere near as strongly for Brad as she did for Jonesy. She loved him, how could she have been so stupid as to have gone out with Alex? Slept with him? The thought now disgusted her. Then there was also Ben. How could she stuff Jonesy around like that? But then again, she hadn't thought she was stuffing him around. She thought that he wasn't interested, that nothing would ever happen between them. She was so pleased – scrap that idea, she had been ecstatic – when he asked her out. She knew her and Alex were over, just because it wasn't official yet, doesn't mean it wasn't so. So she said yes – almost without hesitation. She had seen his eyes light up. Seen the glow that rushed into his face. Seen his smile broaden wider than she had ever seen it before.

He carried that same blissful look into the date. She had seen him falter. His eyes were searching; he told her how deeply he felt about her. And what had she said? "There's something else I have to sort out first." Then it had all come crashing down. Like a giant balloon soaring over a town, only to come into contact with a metal spire, his happiness burst and left him looking empty and rejected. She should have told him, "Jonesy, you will not believe how long I have wanted to hear you say that. I love you too, more than you'll ever believe."

But as long as her moral was intact, she had to officially end everything with Alex before she could go on and tell Jonesy that she loved him.

She couldn't face Alex tonight though. Her heart ached and her strength was ebbing away. Tonight, she needed sleep. Tomorrow, she would confront him. It was something she was not looking forward to.

* * *

Susie walked into the station the next morning, feeling drained and horrible. She had barely slept the previous night, and when she did it was fretfully. She could not shake the fear that she may have ruined things forever between her and Jonesy.

She felt herself in dire need for a coffee, so made her way to the mess room. To her fortune – in some sense – Alex was there. The two of them were alone in the mess room, so Susie decided now was the time to talk to him.

She was about to speak, when he started. "So how was last night?"

"To be honest," she began, not really knowing what she was saying, "It was an utter trage- wait. How did you know about last night?"

"Jonesy told me."

"You're lying."

"Well, he did."

"But that's not all there was to it." Susie knew she was on the right track, she knew Alex was up to something.

"Well, _actually_, I kind of gave him the push to ask you out."

"You _what_?"

"And he didn't speak once he got home last night. He just walked in, took a shower, and went straight to bed. He got up this morning and _still_ wasn't talki-"

"How _dare_ you!" Susie almost shouted. She could not believe what she was hearing.

Neither of them noticed Jonesy appear at the door. He had been going to get himself a coffee, and had almost walked right into the middle of the argument. Somehow, he found he could not walk away, as much as he wanted to. Every time he heard Susie's voice, it made him think of what had happened last night; every time he so much as thought of her, it brought back all the raw pain.

"How _dare_ you be such a _coward_ that you wouldn't break it off with me," Susie continued, unaware of their guest. "You left Jonesy to do your work. That's not fair on him _or_ me. How could you? And because you were too _scared_ to break it off with me, when Jonesy told me how he felt about me, all I could say was, 'There's something else I need to sort out first!' I wanted so desperately to tell him how _I_ felt in return, but my sense of moral wouldn't let me!"

"I never thought it would stop you," Alex murmured, eyes downcast and looking at his hands. "I didn't think you'd take your relationship with me so seriously."

Jonesy, standing just outside the door, felt the rock-bottom ground he was on giving way beneath him, allowing him to crash even further down.

"Of course I took it seriously! I _slept_ with you! I'm not a slut; I only sleep with people who I consider a serious relationship!"

Jonesy felt his heart breaking in even more pieces than what it had done the previous night.

"Susie, that meant nothing! It was just a stand. Why do you have to look so much into things?"

Susie felt what confidence that had filled her before get blown out of her. "It meant _nothing_ to you?" She asked incredulously.

"I'm sorry Suse, but it didn't. There's no point in lying."

Tears filled Susie's eyes; she mumbled something about being excused, and fled for the locker room. She didn't notice Jonesy as she ran straight past him. But this was quite a different Jonesy to the one of a minute ago. This Jonesy was filled with anger.

He marched into the mess room and right up to Alex. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to get off his chest. All he managed in the end was, "You bastard," and he punched Alex with all his might right in the face. Alex fell to the ground, blood streaming from his nose.

"What the hell was that for?" Alex asked, outraged.

"How could you do that to Suse?"

"Mate, I did it for you!"

"You hurt Suse, and now you're trying to say it was for _my_ _benefit_?"

Jonesy turned on his heal and went to find Susie in the locker room. It didn't take long to find her; she was sitting crouched down against the wall in the corner, silently crying. He went and crouched down next to her, wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

"Oh, Jonesy," Susie sobbed piteously. "I've stuffed everything up! How could I have been so stupid and blind?"

"Suse, it's not your fault."

"Yes it is! Jonesy, there's something I have to tell you…"

Evan looked away, and murmured, "Don't waste you breath. I heard your conversation with Alex."

"Jonesy," Susie moaned, "I'm so incredibly sorry. But you _must_ let me explain it better!"

"Suse, I really don't want to hear it."

"But you must Jonesy! I won't be at peace with myself until I tell you!"

"Fine, go ahead if you must."

"Jonesy, please don't look like that. It's killing me! What I have to tell you is that Alex and I had a relationship. It was stupid, really. I was only ever in love with you, but I thought that you weren't interested. I thought that nothing could ever happen between us. And in walked Alex, I thought he liked me, and he was there, waiting. He first came onto me when we were on surveillance. Then he invited me over his house, and I…I…" Susie found she could not continue.

Jonesy finally met her eyes. He saw they were filled with pain and confusion. He realised that he did not feel any resentment towards her at all, and that all he wanted to do was take that pain away. Did she not realise that _he_ had always been, and always would be, waiting there for her?

"I slept with him. It was probably one of the worst mistakes I ever made. The next morning, he tried to break it off with me. But I wouldn't let that happen. I _couldn't_. I had _slept_ with him, for crying out loud. I didn't want to turn into a slut. He asked me if there was a Susie-Jonesy scenario. As much as I would have loved to have answered yes, there were two strong reasons why I didn't. First of all, because my reputation was at stake. And secondly, I was certain that you didn't love me, and that nothing could ever happen between us."

Jonesy hugged her shoulders tighter. Susie sighed, a repeat of the day before threatening, "I'm not quite done yet." Not the words she wanted to use; the words she _had_ to use. "And for weeks, he kept playing with me. Making me think he was interested, kissing me, and then blowing me off. Always coming up with excuses. And the other day, he pretty much said that it was over, and then you asked me out. There was no way I could say no, I was so excited. Then the date came, and you told me how you felt. I wanted nothing more than to tell you that I loved you."

She looked at Jonesy, expectantly. He was looking at the floor. Silently, his arm fell from around her shoulders. He got up, and walked from the locker room.

"No," Susie whispered. She felt her heart being torn apart. This is how it must have felt for Jonesy last night. She had ruined everything. She wiped her eyes, got to her feet, and sullenly returned to work.

* * *

The only reason Susie went to the pub that night was because she was in need of some female friends to talk to. She needed to be around them. As usual, she took a long time in picking out her outfit, and carefully doing her hair and make-up. When she got to the Imperial, she wondered why she had bothered. In the past, she had done it to look nice for Jonesy – now she could admit it to herself, she knew it was the truth - but today she knew there was no point in it. Still, it was too late to turn back now.

She walked to the pub with a sense of dread. She knew Jonesy would probably be there. She entered the Imperial, and saw that all the others were engaged in a game of pool. All except Alex and Jonesy. They were talking over some glasses of beer.

* * *

"So you forgive me now Jonesy?"

"I do, now that you've explained it, but I think it's Susie's forgiveness you should be asking for," Jonesy answered.

It turned out that Alex _did_ like Susie, that it _had_ meant something to him. But Alex knew how strongly Jonesy felt for Susie, how he loved her. And he knew he had to back down, but it wasn't easy.

Jonesy saw Susie enter the pub. Their eyes met. She almost collapsed; then she walked right back out the way she had come. Jonesy jumped up from the table, and ran outside to catch her.

"Suse!" He called. She stopped dead in her tracks, but did not look. He ran up to her, and could not resist the urge to hug her.

He embraced her, and Susie felt comforted by his warmth. The smell of Jonesy intoxicated her. His warmth was comforting, and made her heart melt, but she felt that something was not quite right.

"Jonesy," she began.

"Susie, I'm sorry. I hope I haven't missed my chance. This morning, I shouldn't've left. I should have told you that I love you."

"Jonesy, you'll never miss or run out of chances. If anyone missed their chance, it would have been me. I _really_ wanted to tell you last night. I really did. But I couldn't."

"It's alright Suse," Jonesy whispered soothingly.

"But when you found out about Alex, I thought it was over for ever. I thought that you hated me."

"Suse," Jonesy began, hugging her tighter. "How could you ever think that? I love you so much, it hurts at times."

"Like now?" Susie asked woefully. "To hear me talking about this?"

"Suse, all that's hurting me now is that you're upset. I would do anything to take that away."

"Even after I've been so horribly stupid? And made so many mistakes?"

"Suse, I love you for exactly who you are. If you were perfect, then I know there'd be no hope of a relationship. I need someone who I can argue with, someone who won't be afraid to have their own opinion, and to speak their mind. Someone to be wrong, so that they're not insufferable. You are that person, Suse. I love you."

"Jonesy, I love you too. I love you so much, it scares me." They were the most powerful and truest words Susie could use to describe her love for Evan. She felt they were definitely inadequate, and told him so.

"Suse, I know how hard it is to say it. That's the trouble I had last night. But trust me, the look in your eyes is going to fill my heart for many years to come."

"So you do love me?"

"Of course! I would have thought that obvious by now!" Susie still looked a little unconvinced, so to help her make up her mind, Jonesy bent his head down and kissed her. They both felt their hearts fill to bursting point, and found themselves melting into the kiss.

For the two of them, it was one of the sweetest things that ever happened. That fateful autumn night would be one that forever stayed precious in their minds.

**That's all for now everyone, I hope you enjoyed it. I think we can all make up our own little fantasy for what happens next, lol. Have a great day!**

**Susie **


End file.
